Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize