Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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