see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
