We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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