still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
