what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
