someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
