SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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