do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
