I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
