You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
