i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
