we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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