Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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