Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
