So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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