I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
