Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
