but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
