you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
