My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
His nipple licking is glorious
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