Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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