Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
