Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
