We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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