Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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