She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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