but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
