I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
