Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have post one night stand depression
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