I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize