I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
