I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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