so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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