I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
