my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
