I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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