I will die if light touches me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
