found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
