Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
