pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
