Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
