I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
