i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
