Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm at about main and main street
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
