Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
