we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
