I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
