After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
