I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
