I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
