Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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