some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
