I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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