I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
