I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
