Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
