Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
