I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize