somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
