I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
