Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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