Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
