for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
