i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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