oh god the rape fog is back!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
