Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
