i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up under a house in Key West
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