Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize