i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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