I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
