How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
